In this moment I am feeling defeated. I feel hopeless, heartbroken and depressed. This evening, a lifelong dream of mine died (for the lack of a better term).

Growing up, my passions changed every now and then. Like most kids, I was constantly exploring different interests. When I graduated high school, I was told that “I.T” (information technology) was the wave of the future and the jobs would be endless! I’ll tell you what it was – boring! I don’t regret doing the course because I met some of my lifelong friends there. I did a general first year of university and during that time I discovered what I thought was my calling – nursing. I volunteered at the local hospital and my passion to help people grew even stronger than before. I knew I wanted to help them in their time of need.

Student loans ran out so my dream was put on hold. I moved away to find work and pay off the loans. I found a wonderful job as a unit clerk at the hospital where I met a friend of mine named Debbie. As we got to know one another, she shared that she was training to become an RCMP officer. She was 40 at the time and I told her that I admired her for following her dream. It was always her dream to become a police officer but she ended up having kids before she could pursue her dream. Now that her youngest was getting ready to graduate from high school, she said it was her time. She said it was never too late to follow your dream.

I made countless phone calls, filled out the application, got shining references, got all of the supporting paperwork together and submitted my application in January. My mother had agreed to help with childcare when my kids got out of school in the afternoon. I had spoken to the student funding department and everything was lined up for me to get a new student loan. It was like the stars are aligning in the universe was telling me that this was my time. This was going to work out!!

During my time away, life happened. I got married, had children, moved back to my hometown and worked hard at creating a good life for my family. However during that time I never once gave up on my dream. In the beginning of this year, I discovered that a new Bachelor of Nursing program was being offered right here in my town! I was beyond excited. You see, the closest place which offers the bachelor of nursing is the city which is four hours away. I knew I couldn’t just uproot my family and move to the city to suit my wants. So this opportunity was perfect!

I was told that decision would be made sometime in April. I patiently waited for 2 1/2 months and allowed myself to daydream about all that was to come. The people I would help…the lives I would change…the differences I would make. I checked my email regularly for the big news.

This evening at 6:10pm I was plugging in my phone to be charged. I happened to check my email, not expecting anything since I knew the office was closed…and there it was. THE email. The email that would change my life! I silently walked to the living room and sat down. I was SOOO excited!! I knew I was going to scream and run all over the place! Who would I call first? My Sister (who is a nurse)? My Aunt (a retired nurse)? No…I want to sit my children down and share the fact that you should never ever give up on your dreams! I took a deep breath, opened the email and within a few seconds, read the words that changed my life – “We regret to inform you that we are unable to offer you a place in the Four-Year Option of the Bachelor of Science in Nursing (Collaborative) Program at this time.”

My heart sank, my smile disappeared and I felt numb. In just a few seconds, a dream which I had held onto for 22 years was destroyed. The flame which I had protected all those years had suddenly been snuffed out. I was heartbroken. I reread the email three or four times, but the words didn’t change. I managed to stay strong for my kids when they tried to comfort me. I told them that I was proud that I had tried, that when a door closes a window opens and that I would now find a new dream to peruse. I decided to go for a drive and the minute I was alone in my van…I burst into tears.

Where do I go from here? There are no paths, no open windows and no hope. It’s not just sadness I feel, it’s grief. Grief over the loss of a dream that will never come true. I know some of you are probably thinking “you can just try again next year” but I’m afraid that won’t happen. This four-year program is only being offered here once. If I wanted to pursue nursing, I would have to move to the city and that’s just not possible.

As I lie in bed writing these words, I’m realizing that I still have to figure out what I want to be when I grow up. Maybe it’s not too late to become a Rockstar.

Six minutes. It doesn’t seem like a long time does it? There’s really not much you can do in that short amount of time. You might be able to make a peanut butter sandwich or perhaps make your bed.

Six minutes is the exact amount of time I have left with my Mother-In-Law.

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I wrote that on April 8th, 2021…exactly one year ago today. I didn’t have the heart to revisit those words until today.

It had been a short but very long road. In late December 2020, it was discovered that my beautiful Mother-in-Law (to be referred to as MIL moving forward) was sick. By mid March 2021, she was diagnosed with terminal cancer. We had gone out for several visits in that time (we live about 2.5 hours away). By the end of March, we were called out to say our goodbyes and assist with her care. On April the 8th, my Daughter’s birthday, we had to head home because she wanted to be home for her birthday. I couldn’t blame her. It was her 10th birthday and I didn’t want her special day to be shrouded with sadness. Before we left, I went to see my MIL one last time.

The morning that I went to see my MIL, I was truly heartbroken. I didn’t know what to say, I didn’t know what to do. All I could do was cry as the unforgiving hand of Father Time steadily moved forward. Half an hour…20 minutes…15 minutes…10 minutes…six minutes. It was then that I pulled out my phone and wrote those words. They only took a moment to write (thank you talk to text!) but I knew I would want to write about my thoughts and experience. Words always help.

In that moment, all I could think about was time and how it doesn’t slow down or stop for anyone. In that moment, I had six minutes left with her. Six minutes. Six minutes is nothing and yet, in that moment, it was everything. What can one do in six minutes? Make a sandwich…get dressed…watch a few commercials? Six minutes…is nothing. Yet it was EVERYTHING.

I spent one of those minutes panicking over what I should do or what I should say. I knew I had already said everything to her before she lost consciousness. But I wanted to be sure that she knew how much she mattered to me…to my kids…to my Husband (her Son)…to all of us. I wanted her to know that she would be remembered. I wanted to tell her that I would take care of her Son and her Grandchildren. I wanted to ask her to watch over my kids when I wasn’t near them. I wanted to beg her to fight (a battle that I already knew was over). I wanted to scream at the doctors and nurses to make her well (though I knew they couldn’t). I prayed to God to stop time for just a few more minutes. Please…just a few more minutes. Please.

I looked at the clock. Two minutes left. I knelt by her bed, took her hand in mine and held it against my face. I told her how very much we all loved her and how much we would miss her. I kissed her head, held my cheek against hers until it was time to go. As I was leaving the room I hesitated and glanced back one more time…then, with tears streaming down my face, I joined my family who were waiting in the van.

As I joined my family and we started the drive home, I couldn’t help but notice what was going on around me. A man was heading into the grocery store with some reusable bags, there were lots of people in the drive thru at McDonald’s waiting to order their lunch and a couple were walking hand-in-hand down the sidewalk. None of them knew what was happening…what was going to happen. None of them knew the pain and sorrow we were all feeling. Life was going on and I couldn’t help but feel angry. Two days later, we lost my beloved Mother-in-Law.

Time is so precious. Life is precious. We should always do our best to never waste time. Time is always moving forward. We’ve all heard the saying “never wish your time away” and that saying means more to me now then it ever did. What I wouldn’t give to have those six minutes back.

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I spent a long time editing this before finally posting!

Valentine’s Day. More recently being referred to as “Heart Day”. The day that many single folk dread. The day when people rush to their local Walmart to find a sea of red and pink cards for every possible person in their life (from “Aunt” all the way to “Young Child”). A day where cheap chocolate is sold by the barrel, stuffed animals of every kind are holding plush hearts and nar a reservation is found at most restaurants. A day when jewellery stores mark up countless pieces of jewellery for those unlucky souls burdened with high expectations by their significant others. Sounds fun, right?

Needless to say, I am not the biggest fan of Valentine’s Day. Why? The reason is simple. I don’t find Valentine’s gestures romantic when it’s on a day where it’s practically expected of you. It’s…expected. Routine. You honestly don’t have to put very much thought into things. There are commercials leading you to the perfect gift at many stores and restaurants have heart-shaped meals ready to dazzle that special someone.

Now don’t get me wrong, we do celebrate Valentine’s Day in my family. We make Valentine’s Day lots of fun for the sake of the kids.

Personally, I find romantic gestures much more meaningful when they’re spontaneous. I would much rather a nice card on a random Wednesday evening than on Valentine’s. It’s like…on Valentine’s I receive a card and think “Wow, thanks for the card that you had to buy me”. Whereas when I receive an unexpected card on a random day, I think “Holy moly! He didn’t have to do this…but he did! He went out of his way to pick up a nice card and give it to me!” You see what I mean?

So if you’re looking to REALLY impress that special someone, be random and spontaneous! Giver her flowers “just because“. Cook him his favourite meal to say “I love you”. Take time to visit the card section and pick out the perfect card or, better yet, make one! You’re never too old to fold a piece of paper in half, break out your art skills and write something sweet!

There is one good thing about Valentine’s Day though. It means that chocolate and other fine candies will be sold at half price tomorrow!

What a crazy year and a half it has been! It’s funny… I have been struggling for a long time to commit to writing on a regular basis here on my website. I always thought to myself “If I only had more time, I would definitely post on my blog at least once a week.” A global pandemic with months of quarantine determined that time wasn’t the problem. 😂 I have to start kicking my own arse and write here much more often. Especially since there have been more viewers here! (Whaddaya at b’ys!!)

There’s so much to talk about but right now, there’s one thing that stands out the most – Respect. What does respect have to do with a global pandemic? Everything! In Newfoundland, we are beginning to see an easing of restrictions. Masks are now an option and not mandatory. Most of the arrows on the store floors have disappeared, schools are returning to normal (depending on alert levels) and more people are permitted at social gatherings. Many people, including myself, are nervous about all of this. As everyone knows, children 11 and younger are unable to be vaccinated against Covid-19 just yet. This is a huge population of vulnerable people. Two of my children are unvaccinated due to their age with my youngest being high risk if he gets sick. We are not relaxing in my family. For us…masks are still worn, hand washing is routine (as always!) and social distancing is a must.

Yet there are people in this world who think that people like me are crazy. That I’m going overboard. That I’m not embracing the “new normal”. That I’m being overprotective. I see the glares in the store. I hear what people say and read what people write on social media. I’m not stunned. Well…I’m not THAT stunned at least. 😂 This pandemic is not over. A fourth wave is here and the delta variant could care less what anyone thinks. It’s out for revenge and it’s targeting those most vulnerable.

This lack of respect and judgement was rampant last year. For example, there were the regular school vs home school battles. If you sent your child to school, you were taking risks with their health. If you kept your child home, you were overprotective. Craziness! How about we stop judging other people’s decisions and just worry about ourselves for a change? I homeschooled my children last year but never once did I judge or disrespect my friends if they sent their children to regular school.

With the new recommendations, I’m not judging anyone who chooses not to wear a mask. I won’t judge anyone who has a few friends over. But please…do not judge anyone who doesn’t make the same choices as you. A global pandemic is a terrible time to judge your family and/or friends for making decisions to keep the ones they love safe.

We aren’t out of the woods yet my friends. Stay safe, don’t lick any door knobs and reach out if you need someone to talk to.

I’m sure you’ve all been there. You have something totally perfect planned out, visions of parenting awesomeness are dancing in your head and bam…nothing turns out as planned. That’s what happened to me.

It was a lazy Sunday morning. The snow had begun to fall signalling the start of an expected storm, everyone was cozy in their PJs and I was right in the mood to make waffles for my family. Not just any waffles though…waffles from scratch! No instant mix for this Momma! I set out my measuring cups, got out the bowls and went to get my waffle iron to cook up a scoff. Upon opening the box (which had only been opened once…3 years ago…), I noticed that the waffle iron looked funny. Upon closer inspection, I found that it was splotched with mould. Oh me nerves!! I’m guessing it wasn’t totally dry the last time I put it away. No problem though…I’ll clean it off and disinfect it. 45 fruitless minutes later, there was still spots on the iron. “Batter da Jesus” (or “get out of here” for all you come from aways) I thought to myself as I tossed the useless thing back into the box.

That’s ok, I’ll make pancakes from scratch instead! I got out my Mickey Mouse pancake maker, switched out the ingredients and got ready to cook. What do I need…1.5 cups of flour. Ok, easy enough. I got the flour…and realized it was basically all gone. I maybe had 1/2 a cup left. Are you kidding me?! How do I NOT have flour?! I sighed, put most everything away and got out the Aunt Jemima pancake mix. Bam…pancakes!

So that’s my little tale of how I frigged up breakfast. Lol! In the end, we all ate pancakes and bacon because bacon never lets you down.

Whaddaya at b’ys?! I know, I know… This is like my third or fourth time returning to this website. “Why bother coming back?” you might ask? Well, that’s the topic of this post.

The reason I stopped writing was the same reason that many people stop doing the things they love…life. Life got in the way. Along with the ups and downs of life, my youngest Son is going through a Special Needs diagnosis. Being there for my Son takes up the majority of my day and has been a HUGE learning experience. I will definitely be talking about that in the weeks and months to come.

Despite the fact that I didn’t have time to write, I never gave up my little website. I’ve always wanted my own site and I didn’t want to give it up! I checked in every so often to see the stats and, much to my surprise, some of you have been visiting my site! My numbers are up and I felt the pull to come back.

I’m after learning that no matter how your day goes, it’s so important to make time for yourself. You need to schedule in “you” time every single day, just like you would a doctor’s appointment or a meeting. That’s why I decided to come back. I love writing and helping others and so I will schedule in writing time at least every few days.

I hope to see you all back here!

This is a bit off topic for my Mommy blog…but I need to get this off of my heart. I do not say this because I am guilty of it…I say this because I have seen it…and I am heartbroken and very angry.

Please…don’t wait until it’s too late to spend time with those in your life who are nearing the end of theirs. Don’t forget them. These are people…your FAMILY. Men and women who have worked hard to raise a family – Parents, Grandparents, Aunts and Uncles, Great Aunts and Great Uncles. They will love you and think about you right up until the moment they draw in their last breath.

Be there for them. Visit them. Take them out for lunch. Buy them flowers. Take them out for a drive in the car. SPEND TIME WITH THEM. Please spend time with them. It may only be a half hour out of your day but to that person…it’s the highlight of their week. To have seen you…hugged you…to have heard about your day. To know that they have NOT been forgotten.

Don’t say that you don’t have time. You know how you leave 15 minutes early for work to buy a coffee? Well instead…leave 15 minutes early to say hello to someone who is desperate to see you. DON’T say that you don’t have time. When it comes to family – you MAKE time.

If your family needs help…STEP UP. Do whatever you can to help make their final years or days good ones. Don’t assume someone else will do it.

Do NOT put off trips to see them. Please don’t belittle them with vague excuses of why you can’t come to see them. Don’t spend money to see their body…spend money to see them LIVING.

If you have not done this…when they are gone…DO NOT cry crocodile tears. Do NOT say how much you miss them. Do NOT play the part of the mourning family member. Do NOT weep over their body…because you don’t deserve to. They wanted to see you in life, not in death.

Don’t forget your family. Someday you will grow old and you will ache for the company of your family. When the door remains closed all day and the phone remains silent…you will know how it feels to be forgotten.

Now…please go and be the highlight of someone’s day.

Hey b’ys! No funny picture this time around, just a quick post to let you all know that I’m back.

There have been some big changes in the last year and a half and I had to put a lot of things on the back burner, including my blog/website. Don’t worry, I will share everything with you guys!

As for what’s coming, I will continue my regular funny posts (at least *I* think they re funny) as well as add in some additional content about dealing with a child with potential special needs and my new weight loss journey. I will share tips and hopefully we will learn and grow (or shrink) together!

Some posts may come fast and furious but from here on out, there will be at least two posts per week. Oh…I lied…there is a funny picture!